What is it about men that make them so afraid of confronting their own emotions? — They would get into brawls, perform death-defying stunts, get drunk and stoned like there is no tomorrow and even dare death, himself… Yet when it comes to assessing what they really want and / or acknowledging how they feel, they’d usually go comatose-like, refusing to even blink for fear that the slightest facial twitch would give them in!

An equally infamous response is when they would butter you up and practically agree with virtually everything that you would say or suggest, i.e., “Don’t you think we ought to go to the next level?,” he says, “huh?!?.. well, I think so too.” “But aren’t we moving a bit too fast?,” he says, “Well, I reckon, if you would really consider it, well, yeah, maybe…” “But then we love each other and love should never really be bounded by time nor place, etc. etc…” and he would go, “er, well, uh, absolutely!” “So we would take the plunge?!?” and he would be plunging into the deepest most secluded place he could find so he could once again enjoy his “independent, hassle-free, commitment-free life.”

I have long realized the significant difference in the way men and women communicate. Too often, women would want her man to be sensitive enough to actually be able to “read between the lines” and “feel” her pain and frustrations, albeit her refusal to just spill it out (Now, of course, I’m talking about the initial stage, just before the time she starts elaborating “how she really feels”). Most men, on the other hand, would usually just go, “huh?1? … What did I do now?!?” and silently prays the she passes over stage 1 (the read-between-the-line stage) quickly and proceed to the next phase, hopefully tomorrow or next week or until such time that she forgets why she got all upset in the first place. After all, he does have more important things in his mind: his dinner is getting cold, his beer is getting warm and his favorite team is now playing on ESPN! I mean, you gotta set your priorities, man!

Because of this very insightful learning, I always (well, almost) try to make it a point that I explain myself clearly: how I feel, why I felt it, what I think he feels about the whole thing, its effects on us, what are the possible alternatives or resolution, etc. etc.

 

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COMMUNICATION IN RELATIONSHIPS